"The Shack"

I've recently had my mind completely BLOWN by this book, "The Shack." I have to say that when my mom recommended it for me to read, I wasn't completely convinced it would change my outlook on life as she said it did for her. I was wrong - so completely, thankfully wrong.

I won't bog you down with too many details because I want to keep this short and sweet. The book revolves a man's journey of faith - having it, losing it, and getting it back. You are probably thinking, "yeah yeah, I've heard of and read a lot of books like that... boring." Well, don't let my simple summary fool you (as I once was fooled). This books takes you places you never imagined, makes you question things you never dared, and gives you a perspective unlike any other society, religion, churches, and schools have ever drilled into your brain as "normal."

The book is such a refreshing look at Christianity and life and love. It turned on the lights in a world that seems every day to be "destined" for doom and gloom. I honestly have trouble finding the words to talk about this book. All I can say is it's AMAZING. It's AMAZING. It's AMAZING!

How else can I put it? Let's see.. take everything you know, or THINK you know about religion and God and Jesus. Everything you think you know about how you're "supposed" to live your life as a Christian. Everything you think you know about the "rules" and "structure" the Bible, the church, leaders (relgious and political) that you are "intended" to live by in order to be accepted into the Kingdom of God. Now, hold on to those, don't throw them away just yet, but keep them in your mind as you read this book and you'll be shocked to see that these walls of the box we are supposed to live in will be knocked down!

Alright, well that's all I am going to say about that. Maybe one last thing: If you are feeling unloved, wrong, beaten, dirty, outcasted, or simply not good enough.. please read this book because you will come to realize how completely perfect you are in God's eyes and how He wants and expects (a word completely redefined in this book) nothing from you. He ONLY loves, and wants His Creation to seek love and relationships as well. Believe in Him, not in religion or rules or society. That is all.

Lent

I am not Catholic and I don't believe that you have to be in order to participate in Lent, although everyone knows it as a Catholic tradition.  It actually sort of offends me when people gawk at the fact that I do Lent and proclaim "Wait, You're not even Catholic!"  I am a Christian and I believe that all Christians, Catholic or Protestant, should have the right to participate in this ritual which I find to be one of the best things you could do to bring you closer to God every year.  In fact, I don't care if you aren't a Christian, I believe that this tradition could make all people better as human beings.

If you are unfamiliar with the tradition of Lent, it is a 40 day long event in which Christians remember the time Jesus spent 40 days in the desert enduring the temptations of Satan.  It begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on the weekend of Easter in which we observe Christ's crucifixion (Good Friday) and His rise from the tomb and victory over Satan (Easter Sunday).  During Lent Christians traditionally give up something, do something to bring them closer to God, and also participate in charitable acts.

Now, I know if you are reading this and are not Christian, you are probably saying, well this doesn't apply to me, it's a religious tradition.  Well, yes, this is true, it is a religious tradition, however, there's no way you can argue with me that being more selfless and giving to others will make you a worse person.  So call it what you want, even leave out the part about "doing something that will bring you closer to God," but I think all people should consider partaking is something like this at least once a year, if not more!

I'm by no means a Bible thumper, I have lots of friends that are Buddhist, athiest, agnostic, etc. (well I don't know any Scientologists, thank God), so I am not trying to push my beliefs on anyone, I am just making a suggestion that instead of mocking this tradition you maybe give it a spin and see where it takes you.  We need to do whatever we can to make this world a better place to exist in while we're here.

Please Jesus...

give Bill Maher a hemorrhoid every time he talks about our "silly God."  Amen.

Joining the ranks of Reality TV?

While perusing the classifieds on Austin's Craigslist about a week ago, I discovered a little gem in the TV/Film listings -- a casting call for a reality TV show about 3 Best Friends! 

Here's the actual post:

"***Do you know everything about your best friends and will stand together no matter what?  A Major cable network is searching for you!!  Now casting 3 Female best friends who are vibrant, competitive, energetic, Ages 21-32 to compete with other groups of girls, celebrate friendship and win prizes and see if you have what it takes to be crowned America's Best Girlfriends!  Looking for gay/straight, hot, sporty girls with the same jobs, girls with similar interests, sisters***"

After reading this I immediately told Sara and Em about it, and we all got SO EXCITED!  I quickly wrote up a witty email about what competitive lunatics we are, and Sara and Em sent me some crazy pictures of us to attach, and the email was sent!  Two days later I got an email back from the Asst. Casting Director in L.A. and she said she would call me soon and give me more details about the show and when they would be in Austin to do taped auditions.

The next day I got a call on my cell from California, but unfortunately I was at work and couldn't answer it.  I check the voicemail and sure enough it was the Asst. Casting Director calling to chat.  I, of course, am g-chatting with Sara so I give her the number and tell her to call the girl back and she does.  So Sara gives her the dish on some of our crazy antics, and the lady gives her the details about how the show will work.  Basically,  we would be living in a mansion in LA with the other groups of "girlfriends" and we will all be competing against each other in "fun/sweet" challenges to win small and large prizes.  The show is on a Major Cable Network but she wouldn't say which one, just that it's not MTV or VH1.  She said she would call us next week to set up a specific time and place for us to meet her and the director. So we will be doing that next weekend! HAHA soo crazy!

I will keep everyone posted!

Trippidy doo-da

Today as I was driving through downtown I saw a State Trooper strutting down the sidewalk in full uniform trip, stumble, and almost drop his Big Gulp (he was seriously drinking a Big Gulp).  I just about peed in the seat of my car I was laughing so hard.  Why do I love it SO MUCH when people trip??  I always have.  I know that probably everybody gets a little kick out of seeing someone almost eat pavement, but I really can't even contain myself sometimes.  Most normal people just sort of chuckle a little bit and then wrap it up quickly.  Me, on the other hand, I will guffaw in your face, perhaps point at you so that anyone else who has not had the pleasure of watching you fall on your face can then look at you as you try to hurry and gather yourself up, and then proceed to laugh for probably 10 minutes afterward as I replay it over, and over, and over again in my head.  I'm really not a mean person, in fact I'm usually very empathetic, but for some reason I think people tripping is the funniest thing on Earth and I'm not ashamed of my actions.  

My thought is this:  When you trip there is no way of looking graceful, and probably 80% of the time someone sees you, so there is no escaping the embarrassment -- forget about it!  Like I said, with normal people they will try to cover up their laughs and act like they are concerned for your safety (Liars).  Their fake pity will make you feel even more embarrassed.  So, the best thing to do when you trip is laugh at yourself.  Heck when I trip I get jealous because other people got to witness one of my favorite things in the world and I didn't.  I'm really not embellishing my love of tripping.  In fact, one of my best friends, who I will make up a fake name for right now.... Shmachel Shmanson, knew this about me and did something really special.  When I was studying abroad in Spain, I was going through a tough break-up with someone I had been dating.  As soon as I told Shmachel the news (over email of course because that was my main form of communication while I was there), she replied within 10 minutes with a montage of pictures of her tripping and falling flat on her face.  Hahaha...cheered me right up!

And so the moral of this story is, tripping brings joy to millions all around the world (especially me), so embrace it.  Thank you.

Gold's Gym Downtown = People-Watching Heaven

As some of you may know, I am working part-time at Gold's gym in downtown Austin.  I have the "privilege" ( I think this is how I shall denote sarcasm from here on out) of working the front desk, and so I am by default the face of the gym.  I am the first person people see when they walk in and the last one when they leave.  Over just a short amount of time, I have learned that this is both a gift and a curse.

First of all let me set the scene for you, if you are so "unlucky" as to be unfamiliar with downtown Austin.  Gold's gym is set on the corner of 6th and Congress downtown.  This is quite an infamous corner, as a matter of fact, I've often heard it referred to as "weirdo central."  Actually I just realized I could write an entirely separate blog about downtown Austin in particular, but for the purpose of this blog I will just make a short list of some of my favorite characters that frequently loiter the four corners of 6th and Congress.  For posterity sake, I have given some of them names.

1.  Mr. Jazzy McSingerson.  He is a love-able older black gentleman that will sing you a tune about just how beautiful you are while mixing in a little ode to his love of McDonald's cheeseburgers.  It makes you happy and hungry at the same time.

2.  Ms. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.  You can probably guess why I have given this lady this name.  It is apparent from her rantings to ANYONE and EVERYONE within a 2 foot radius of her that she probably experimented with a little too much LSD back in her hay day.  Lucy seems a little angry and bitter about how the Romans stole her idea about the internet and owe her a million dollars.  While I try to kindly listen as she tells me this as I walk by she still threatens that she will kick my ass if I cross her like the Romans did.  I can promise you this, I will NEVER cross Ms. Lucy, and nor should you.

3.  Indian Joe.  Indian Joe is a wiry little man, probably about 5'7'' and 110 pounds soaking wet.  He wears no shoes while pacing the soiled streets of downtown, but he does don a headband with quite a beautiful array of spritely white tail feathers.  Where he gets these feathers I really don't want to know.  Sometimes he carries around a long wooden stick with beads and more colorful feathers attached, as if he is a Medicine Man or something of the like.  He never speaks or even looks at anyone, but just proceeds to cross the cross-walks of the 4 corners of 6th and Congress in a clock-wise square pattern, over and over and OVER again.  I haven't seen Indian Joe in a while.  Maybe he made it back to the reservation.  Although, I don't think he is actually a Native American, just a very tan caucasian man.

4.  I will not elaborate on this one, just state the one of the most annoying sequence of words known to mankind.  "Would you like to help save the world today?"  Green Peace Volunteers.  Their ability to persevere through millions of awkward rejections a day amazes me, but I still don't feel bad enough to stop and say "Why yes, I would."

So there you have it, a tasty little morsel of what I, and many others experience as we try to make our way to work downtown everyday.  And so now the scene is set for what I experience in the gym that lays right below this infamous corner.

I'm a fan of the list so let's continue with that:

1.  One day I receive a phone call from a man who is frantically looking for the underwear he left in the men's locker room.  He asks me to get someone to go into the locker room, retrieve the underwear, and put them in the lost and found so he can come and pick them up later.  Ok, first of all, SICK!  Second of all, your underwear is your business, not ours.  Last, exactly why are these underwear SO important to you that you would risk the embarrassment of calling the gym to ask someone to go get them and keep them safe for you.  Weiiirdo.  Needless to say, no one would retrieve the his special panties, so when he showed up at the gym a few days later and asked me if I had them, I had to lie and say "Sorry, we didn't find any."  He definitely pouted and I think a saw some tears in his eyes as he stood before me in disbelief.  Sorry dude.

2.  Henry is one of our regulars.  He comes in everyday at lunch toting his little rolly suitcase and wearing his rosary beads and what I would consider an over-sized safari hat.  It never fails that every time he walks up to me he says something along the lines of "Hello, God bless you, what a blessed day it is in the name of Jesus Christ our savior."  To which I usually reply, "Why yes it is, have a great workout today."  To which he replies, "Thank you, bless you, Jesus is great and God is the only way, we are so blessed and today is blessed in the name of Jesus, and the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, God bless you, thank you Jesus and Mary, John 3:16, the lamb of God, Amen, God bless you."  I am a Christian, and I think Henry has good intentions but he definitely over-does it.  The other day our General Manager had to rescue a man who was been chastised by Henry in the bathroom because the man said he is a Christian but non-denominational.  This did not appease Henry one bit, as he proceeded to yell at the man because "God gave the keys to the Catholics" and everyone else is going to hell.  Henry may be a bit off his rocker, but he sure can rock that elliptical machine!

3.  I will end with this one for now (even though I have many more stories because this blog is getting way too long).  A man came in the other day to buy a day pass to workout.  He was a larger man with some nice long greasy hair and a cut off t-shirt.  Let's just say he wasn't the easiest on the eyes, or nostrils for that matter.  Anywho, I give him his day pass and he runs off to the locker room only to return 5 minutes later to ask me if we sale vaseline.  I of course reply no and ponder to myself the awkwardness of that question, while he surprisingly goes on to tell why exactly he needs the vaseline:  "Man, I'm gonna need to go get some out of my car then because if I don't have it, things start to chafe down there and it's just not comfortable."  Why thank you for that quite unnecessary piece of information and lovely mental picture of your man bits.  

And now that we have all just thrown up in our mouths just a little, all I can say is KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD BROTHER!